Conversation Starters

If you are worried about your teen's eating behaviors or attitudes, it is important to express your concerns in a loving and supportive way. It is also necessary to discuss your worries early on, rather than waiting until your teen has endured many of the damaging physical and emotional effects of eating disorders. In a private and relaxed setting, talk to your teen in a calm and caring way about the specific things you have seen or felt that have caused you to worry.

• Set a time to talk with your teen to discuss your concerns openly and honestly in a caring, supportive way.  Make sure you will be some place away from other distractions.

• Communicate your concerns. Share your memories of specific times when you felt concerned about your teen’s eating or exercise behaviors. Explain that you think these things may indicate that there could be a problem that needs professional attention.

• Ask your teen to explore these concerns with a counselor, doctor, nutritionist, or other health professional who is knowledgeable about eating issues. If you feel comfortable doing so, offer to help your teen make an appointment or accompany your teen on their first visit.

• Avoid conflicts or a battle of the wills with your teen. If your teen refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem, or any reason for you to be concerned, restate your feelings and the reasons for them and leave yourself open and available as a supportive listener.

• Avoid placing shame, blame, or guilt on your teen regarding their actions or attitudes. Do not use accusatory “you” statements like, “You just need to eat.” Or, “You are acting responsibly.” Instead, use “I” statements. For example: “I’m concerned about you because you refuse to eat breakfast or lunch.” Or, “It makes me afraid to hear you vomiting.”

• Avoid giving simple solutions. For example, “If you’d just stop, then everything would be fine!” Eating disorders are often not about food.  Similar to the use of drugs, alcohol, or gambling, food can be used as an unhealthy way to deal with difficult life issues and emotions.  

• Express your continued support. Remind your teen that you care and want your teen to be healthy and happy.

After talking with your teen, if you are still concerned with their health and safety, find a trusted adult or medical professional to talk to. This is probably a challenging time for both of you. It could be helpful for you, as well as your teen, to discuss your concerns and seek assistance and support from a professional.

Adapted from the National Eating Disorders Association, 2005.